Modern Philosopher Some Might Say

By Matilda Daniel

We keep hearing that women suffer from imposter syndrome... But What if We’ve Only Been Told To? 

Imposter syndrome:

A psychological pattern where individuals doubt their skills, talents, and accomplishments, believing they are not as competent as others think, and that their successes are due to luck rather than ability.

Everywhere we look, women are told we struggle with imposter syndrome — this idea that we secretly doubt our worth and chalk up our achievements to luck. In 2024, on average, 70% of women reported having experienced imposter syndrome in the workplace. My question isn't why do so many women experience this, but why is it controversial when a woman doesn't?  Why is it still treated as unusual for us to believe, unapologetically, that we deserve the space we've worked so hard to take up?

- Ilona Maher

What sparked my interest in writing this piece was one of my favourite athletes, Ilona Maher—a professional American rugby player who’s built a substantial following on TikTok and Instagram with candid, confident videos about self-love. She’s walked the Sports Illustrated runway, launched a podcast with her sisters (The House of Maher), and even competed on Dancing With the Stars. Yet in a recent CNN interview, journalist Christina Macfarlane still assumed Maher must struggle with self-doubt, asking her, “How do you overcome imposter syndrome?”

Maher was quick to reply, "I don't have that. I don't know what that is... Is it like when you don't think you deserve [said achievement] it? Yeah, I don't have that."

With genuine confusion, Macfarlane followed, "How is that possible? I feel like imposter syndrome ruins my life sometimes."

Maher further clarified, "I feel like I deserve what I've gotten. I think that I've worked very hard, even in the rugby space. I've played sports my whole life. I went and played rugby at South Burlington High School, and then I made the late decision to play rugby here [United Kingdom], and then I transferred to play rugby, and then I do all the work off the field. I posted videos consistently from Tokyo till now... I put my whole personality, my whole everything out there."

Macfarlane doesn't give up; "So basically you're just saying don't even acknowledge it."

"I just don't think I have it. Which I think is also, like, people are told sometimes to feel like they have to feel like they have imposter syndrome. But it's okay to be proud of what you've done. It's okay to believe you deserve something because you've put in the work for it."

I would be lying if I said I wasn't shocked by Maher's quick and confident response, but I then thought, Why is that shocking to me? Especially since men are never asked this line of questioning, so why are we still bothering women with it?

Growing up being told you were confident seemed like an insult. The number of women in my life who were told they were 'too much' or gifted awkward, unfunny gifts, joking about the space young girls take up. My favourite example of this, is for my sister's 18th birthday, where she graduated with an incredible ATAR score, got into university and college in Brisbane, overcame a flare up and diagnosis of Crohn's disease, one of the presents she received wasn't flowers, or a card stating she's one of the kindest, bravest, and strongest girls in our family, but a card that joked about her being 'high maintenance' and 'over the top'.

Opening this in front of everyone cemented her own insecurities. That she's too dramatic, too loud, too much. This small example was meant with no malice but humour, but like so many jokes at women's expense, it missed the mark.

Confidence is not desirable; it's bitchy and unpleasant. Knowing you're worth creates an awkward atmosphere for others. Standing up for yourself is dramatic. These phrases have been subtly thrown at us since adolescence, and we have subconsciously internalised them. They've been in our favourite songs without us knowing, with one of my personal favourite bands singing,  "You don't know you're beautiful, that's what makes you beautiful."  (One Direction, What Makes You Beautiful). Why can't women know they're beautiful? Why can't women acknowledge their intelligence and hard work? Why, when we do, the first response from others is, "Oh, she's very confident..."

Martha Stewart was once asked how she deals with imposter syndrome, and she replied with how I think every woman should, "I don't. You shouldn't even know what that is [imposter syndrome] … You have to really just take the reins and ride the dam horse."

Women need to firstly, stop asking other women about this social construct and additionally, need to stop holding space for it in our own vocabulary. 

There's a quote that reads, "I cannot celebrate my achievements because in my mind it was my obligation to achieve them." This has been with me since I accidentally heard it in high school. It summarises my personal thought process perfectly. When I asked the women in my life about the link between the patriarch and imposter syndrome, many said they agree there is one, but equally, they see a link between perfectionism and imposter syndrome.

Well, lucky for you, I can argue there's a link between perfectionism and the patriarchy just as passionately. The patriarchy is so deeply rooted in our society that when a man displays even the bare minimum of human decency towards others, he is praised as extraordinary. When a man is seen doing housework and participating in the childcare of his own, he is praised. We do not allow ourselves to praise the women around us in the same way. This is why I believe women succumb to perfectionism. We have witnessed the need to go above and beyond to attain acknowledgement, where men need to do the most basic, average things to achieve the same. Perfectionism filters into these newfound terms we now casually use without deepening the complicated meaning behind them, aka: Mum guilt.

Both of these social constructs create a system of making women think and behave in ways that ultimately limit how they show up in the world. Coincidentally, these limitations create more space for others (men) to have opportunities to find success, build wealth, and amass power.

The 2016 film, 'Bad Mums', depicted three mums having one drink at a bar before going home to cook dinner for the family and buying baked goods instead of making them from scratch for the school fundraiser, whilst chanting, "let's be bad mums". Attempting humour,

the movie still concluded with the mums holding the family together and having the same workload. The husbands in the film literally added nothing. The husband, who was "shown" to "step up", literally forgot his children's school bags and was dropping them off at school alongside his wife.

This isn't a husband taking on more work; it's a grown man being walked through the steps of parenting his own children by his wife, who remains holding the cognitive workload and being right by his side. Additionally, despite still being present, because she's wearing makeup and holding a coffee, she remains depicting what it must be like to be a "bad mum" because "good mums" wouldn't dream of making time for a shower?

Give me a break.

Why can't women acknowledge when they're hot or when they're smart? Why can't we confidently say we crushed that meeting and deserved that raise? Why can't mums go to a spa on Saturday and not feel guilty?

Fighting back against the patriarchy isn't as radical as people think. You can still love men (obviously), you can still dream of a wedding, still want to have a romantic kiss, and grow a family. Fighting back against the patriarchy can be as simple as choosing to be confident in yourself, in the field you know, and giving yourself a well-deserved pat on the back when you achieve your goals in a space you fought to gain entry in. It can be an acknowledgement of pop culture events, despite being entertaining, hold deep-rooted societal issues.

While you contemplate this, make yourself a coffee and try not to feel guilt or doubt in your average day-to-day, because men hardly do.