Modern Philosopher Some Might Say

By Matilda Daniel

Why Men Assume Drag Shows are Sexual... And Why They're Wrong.

Men do not just sexualise women; they sexualise femininity itself. It is not women’s bodies they struggle to see as human, but women’s humanity. Anything coded as soft, expressive, decorative or glamorous becomes something to be consumed rather than understood. This is why drag queens are framed as ‘sexual’ while hyper-masculine spaces like sport and military culture are considered neutral. Femininity is treated as a spectacle. Masculinity is treated as the default. And at the core of modern masculinity sits a quiet terror: the fear of being seen as a woman.

Femininity itself has been culturally coded as decorative, performative, emotional, and meant to be admired. Anything that remotely exaggerates femininity (makeup, heels, 'softness') instantly becomes read by straight male culture as a sexual display, not authentic expression. 

Because men have grown up being manipulated to fawn visually after women, they cannot fathom that women don't dress for their gaze. They cannot understand that women don't do things to be noticed by men. Men have been conditioned to view women as a sexual option, not as an equal human, and to analyse how much they want to have sex with them. Think I'm being dramatic?

Modern masculinity has been built on distance from femininity, not connection to self.

Think about everything that is associated with being a woman, and then connect that with how men are told NOT to be that, in order to be a man.

There are no direct examples of masculinity; there's simply the opposite of femininity.

 Woman becomes an insult, a threat, something to rise above. So then, masculinity becomes reactive rather than authentic, a basis of fear of appearing soft, dependent... emotional.

Drag collapses this illusion. It shows gender stylised, exaggerated, wearable and removable. It shows fun. Something that men struggle with, if not oppressing, is the opposite gender. It exposes how fragile masculinity is. So when men claim drag is "sexual" and adjacent to "sex shows", they aren't reacting to sexuality, they're reacting to hyper-visible femininity outside of their control. Drag queens don't threaten children; they threaten the made-up belief that femininity exists only for the view of straight men.

Their brain jumps when they see feminine features to calculate the sexual appeal, and hence, they inherently get angry with themselves because they have also been told not to be gay.

Which is why drag queen reading at the library feels 'disgusting' to these people because they view women to be sexually appraised in their minds, it's adjacent to a sex worker in uniform reading to children.

This fear of femininity doesn’t only show up in reactions to drag. It is embedded in religion, family structures, and the way we understand power itself.

The anger men feel towards women and femininity is not only because men have never learned how to truly and authentically be themselves, but also because of womb envy.

Womb envy is the jealousy of not being able to create life and seeps into every misogynistic action in the world. It stems even from the first testament in the bible. All the patriarchal religions had men expressing jealousy of women creating life and controlling all life forms, so they created a male god. To get to heaven, you must submit yourself to your husband and then to a MALE god.

Which isn't factual because the creation of life is a feminine trait. I also relate womb envy to baptism. The idea that you must submerge yourself in water to be "reborn" in the eyes of a man, when you were already born in water from your mother's womb... Why are we doing that again? It's just a simple attempt to replicate the things they cannot control. Labelling men as the head of the household, protectors, and leaders is also an example of womb envy, because men are not inherently natural leaders. Can you name a Dad who runs the show? I don't mean a Dad who gets called to discipline harshly, or cuts the meat at dinner, or drives the car; I'm talking about a Dad who is in control of the family's schedule. A Dad who books and attends appointments and leads the conversations in these appointments, who packs the school bags, who mentally organises the family's schedule, and who carries the knowledge of the children's lives. A Dad who "provides", cooks and creates his own grocery shopping list.

All of this without being told, reminded, and prompted.

When have we seen men protect anything? When have we seen them lead anyone? Men don't even feel safe around men. Womb envy allows men to express that they are the creators and leaders of the world, but in reality, this is just a woman's role.

You can even see this in the ordinary, domestic parts of life… As Christmas is rolling around, I want you to look and notice that we can additionally link womb envy to the holidays. Who gets the credit for creating holiday cheer? Santa. A man. Who is behind holiday cheer? Women are buying and wrapping the gifts, decorating the house, cooking the food, playing the music, who's organising with the in-laws, who's reminding the dad not to forget about his cousins?

Yes, I am generalising, but regardless, I think it's important to note.

And if men were genuinely supposed to be seen as leaders and women as sexual followers... Why are we constantly breaking free from that notion and why are men never leading?

These holidays, watch RuPaul's Drag Race and celebrate the feminine side of these secure men and the creativity and talent they hold. This Christmas, thank your mum for creating the magic.